top of page

Why aren't you more of a bitch?

Since I started offering professional fetish services, there's been pressure on me to change the way I present myself to the world. "Hailey Heartless the sex positive BDSM kinkster who values consent and transformative justice," doesn't really sell well to the type of person who's looking to try out a BDSM session. They want dungeon Hailey; the badass bitch who hates men and punishes them for their dirty ways by crushing their balls with her hands and spitting in their mouth.

I guess it makes sense to step back and explain how I came to do BDSM professionally. I was a queer kinkster. I only played with women and members of the LGBT community. I loved that I could be a dominant transsexual in a group that had a shortage of tops. I choose to use my time in the dungeon exclusively on a community that I felt was in need of a Domme, and my time in the bedroom on more intimate sadomasochism sessions with women I had an amazing connection with. Bedroom sessions would always get full on, heartless Hailey.

I didn't want to waste my talent on heterosexual cisgender men because, although the Domme selection among heterosexuals is also thin, they at least had something. When a man would approach me and ask me to play, I would politely decline.

That changed last year when a friend of mine suggested that I shouldn't flat out refuse, but rather state a price. Her argument was that kink is an expensive hobby. Tops are expected to pay for our own tools and training, and we invest hundreds of hours in workshops perfecting our craft. She said that if a guy who I might kinda want to play with was willing to invest in my craft, that I should let him, and use that money to help improve my own little queer kink circle. It made sense, but I had too much going on in my life at the time to become a BDSM service provider.

The idea stayed at the back of my head while I worked on other projects. When those projects either ended or fell through, I reexamined the idea of offering sessions for pay. It was last December when I listed a price for my first inquiring man, and it wasn't until February when I actually got a bite.

That's an awful lot of paragraphs to just sum up that I came into the professional BDSM industry through the kink community. I was using the name Hailey Heartless in the community, and I was trying to instill certain values and camaraderie in the kink community. Suddenly. Hailey Heartless wasn't just a queer kinkster anymore, she's a professional Dominatrix.

I began giving Hailey a social media presence, outside of fetlife, in December or January. The idea was to reach out to other BDSM and sex professionals and understand the wider community outside of my little kink circle. I obviously soon found that I was being followed by submissive men of all types; paypigs, blackmail subs, camsluts, but very few masochists or kinksters. My little audience would often lose interest in my gabbing with sex workers and joke tweets, they weren't sexy enough. They wanted an internet Dominatrix who talked about TS superiority and how pathetic men were and sent out little video clips to get you to go to her online store. I am certainly a callous bitch inside the dungeon, but Hailey Heartless as a person is also a sex positive figure and an activist.

There are a few other Dommes like me on twitter, those who downplay the marketing and play up the sex positive aspects. I feel like we probably don't get as many inquiries as someone who only tweets about being cruel to men, but I also think that serious kinksters, the ones who book 5 hour long service submission sessions, can see through the marketing gimmicks and appreciate our honesty and the fact that we're so raw and real with our online persona.

When you see @SadistHailey tweeting, you're getting me how I really am. I could certainly be a badass and tweet about the things that men want to hear, but I'm not really doing it for you, I'm doing it for me and my community. If you're not willing to book with me because you don't like how real I am, because I don't sell you dungeon Hailey on the internet, then you're not really worth my time anyway. My ads speak about what I can offer inside the dungeon, and my social media presence and blog fill in the parts about who I am as a person in the kink community.

bottom of page