©2018 Hailey Heartless. Vancouver, British Columbia.

My Beautiful Glass Closet

April 28, 2017

 

A funny thing happened on my way home from the dungeon this week. I had stopped for some wine on the way home, and the clerk took a look at my lace dress, leather spiked collar, and outcall bag, and said, "wow, I love your look! All leather and lace." I replied, "yeah, it's almost like I'm a professional dominatrix coming home from work." I then produced a wad of large bills from my purse as I paid for my wine.

 

I live in a very glass closet. I don't openly talk about how much I love sex, my work in the kink community, or that I'm a sex worker, I know my friends and family don't want to hear it, but I don't really hide it either. I'm dripping with sex and it comes up often, but it mostly comes up organically.


I remember when I first started this job, I had a few outcall sessions booked over the weekend. A friend of mine asked if I had any weekend plans, and I replied, "oh, you know, probably just kicking dudes in the nuts for beer money." She laughed and said, "oh, you're so funny!" I said, "yeah, good joke, huh?"

 

My friends sometimes worry about me. Just yesterday I had an old friend pestering me via text message, and I said to him, "listen, every time my phone beeps I get excited that it might be someone offering me money for certain 'favours,' then I see it's just you, and my heart sinks, so unless you want to pay for my time, maybe go easy on the texts?" He laughed and told me that he didn't know if I was joking, but to be safe and just don't harm anyone. I said, "I don't want to harm anyone, just hurt them."

 

I don't really get anything out of intentionally outing myself, at least not sexually. I'm certainly not an exhibitionist, and I believe that any party to a sexual act, including a spectator, needs to consent. I do, however, think outing myself is funny.

 

I've outed myself accidentally too. I have a day job in a clinic and I've occasionally referred to medical tools by their kink name. One instance that sticks out in particular was when I was asked about a urethral dilation kit, and I told the nurse, "yeah, we have sounding kits in stock." She looked at me and said, "what?" I quickly corrected myself, but I was howling inside.

 

I'm a fairly active member of the community. I do a lot of volunteer work, and I speak at a lot of podiums. I know that there are people who would use my work in the sex positive community, as well as the fact that I do hands-on sex work, to try to tear me down. I'm not ashamed of what I do, and I don't believe that the people who look up to me would be either.

 

I already own what I do. I wear a couple of buttons that make my love of rope bondage and my support for sex worker rights very clear. I also carry a mini flogger attached to my purse wherever I go, and I occasionally play with it when I'm bored. I once had a colleague ask if it was a whip, and joke not to hit her with it, I replied, "honey, you couldn't afford for me to hit you with this."

 

I feel like being open is my armor against having my sexuality weaponized against me. People are constantly trying to tear opinionated, powerful trans women down. When I am "outed," and I'm sure someone will try, it will come as no surprise to anyone because I live in a glass closet, I love what I do, and I've put in the labour to overcome my shame.

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