Getting started with the self proclaimed, "true submissive."

March 6, 2018

 

A Dom on reddit recently shared a situation they were anxious about. They had a play partner who had a fetish for paying tribute (based on how well the top performed) and this partner wanted a weekend of total power exchange. The play partner also said that they had no limits and only wanted to do whatever the top wanted to do. The Dom was worried and asking if anyone in the group had any guides or scripts on how to handle the situation.

 

This blog entry is intended for Dommes and gives an example of how I've successfully handled this this request in the past. Sessions are also partially fluid and improvised. While Dommes do perform research and plan scripts for how we'd like sessions to go, we're also constantly changing the session based on how the dynamic develops. This only one possible way that I might handle this scenario, so don't book expecting it to go exactly like this.

 

Here is the response I gave to the Dom:

 

"No limits, no safe word, I'll do whatever you want," is a standard request for a pro Domme, and it's annoying as hell. A lot of guys don't realize that there's hundreds of ways to play, and they have a fantasy in mind when booking. When your Mommy Domme fantasy you prepare doesn't mesh with the rope fantasy he was jerking off to, he feels ripped off.

I'll mention the safe word thing first, even though you didn't specifically state it, it often goes along with what you've been asked. You start out by laying down basic protocol, one or two rules, and during that time you all if he wants a safe word. Regardless of his answer, you grab him by the chin and say, "if things get too tough for you, you better say red." This gives him the illusion of a choice, but still lets you play safely. When you're done that, tell him if he can follow his basic protocol (call me Mistress, eyes cast down, whatever you think is good protocol) you'll reward him with more protocol. Your protocol with him isn't for your benefit, it's a reward for good service.

Next you need to extract his fantasies. Attach him to a piece of equipment and use whatever implements you like to interrogate him. You want all his disgusting thoughts, and he'll hold back, so you need to go deep. "What was the last thing you jerked off to? and? and?" keep asking "and," until he gives you something disgusting or he clams up completely, then change your questioning. "Do you like this toy? Do you find me erotic? What do you like most about my body?" You're finding what his fantasies are and what ways you can tease and titillate him. For example, if he's into feet, you can get him to kiss the sole of your foot if he is a good boy.

As for, "No limits," that's never true. After you interrogate him you can suggest a fantasy to him and throw in some extreme or absurd suggestions to see if he'll say no. "Maybe I'll stick needles through your cock head while wearing a clown mask." MAKE SURE YOU CAN DELIVER ON ANYTHING YOU SUGGEST, it might turn out that when you mention clowns, he melts and confesses that he has a secret clown fetish he never told anyone about. That's a fucking jackpot for you.

 

Editorial note: it's important to know what his limits are so you know how big of a yard you have to play in, and where the fences are. People paying for professional kink want to be pushed, they do not want to be violated. Knowing where the fence is lets you play beside that fence and tease at the idea of stepping over the fence. Subs often think this is really hot. It's also important to know if a limit is the result of trauma as you should not tease around those limits without express prior consent and training in psychological first aid.

As for this business of "paid based on performance," to be honest, that's bullshit. Professional domination is certainly service domination, but you are a professional providing a service. You should ask for cash up front. When sex workers ask for cash up front, it's a way to protect our boundaries and practice occupational consent. If we already have his money, he can't hold it over us while demanding we stretch our boundaries. Of course, this is up to you, but I highly suggest you get a basic rate up front. I wouldn't do an overnight for less than $1000, but everyone sets their own rates. If he wants to tip you on top of that, that's his choice, but make sure you have something up front instead of relying on him to pay you based on how well he thinks you're doing.

I hope some of this was useful. Let me know if you have any further questions.
 

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